Yes...Wow is about all I can say. Carsis and I actually saw one another and went to talk. I feel a little bad as I write this though. I gave him an aura reading and I guess I was right on the money because he was not happy about it. He doesn't realize how much people worry about him. But I should really stop. I ended up pinning him down and giving a huge lecture to him one minute, then the next I am laying there in his arms and nearly kissed him!!!!! KISSED HIM!! Damnit it Kaai..what the hell are you thinking?! Are you stupid?! Yes...I am very stupid. I probably made myself look like the biggest fool ever for clinging onto an impossibly relationship. Idiot...yes..me of course. He doesn't need a relationship though. He has so much to worry about and doesn't need the trouble or distraction. But part of me still wishes to watch over him. Is that wrong?  can't even be so sure any more. I need sleep.

It has been almost a week I think since that day. Time has been draggin since then. I guess things are alright...other than my loneliness I should be getting better. Engineering is not doing well though. Nearly blew off my finger when I applied the wrong amount of blasting powder with another element and I cut the tip off my left index paper while cutting my bread with a butcher knife I found at Lokey's house. This place is my new home. Lokasenna could not have me living in that damn tree anymore. even though I found it comfortable.

I went out on a journey..taking the road through Arathi and heading towards home again. It seemed I was in a daze, drawn back to that place..even though no one is alive..and I haven't heard from my Uncle. I do not understand why I feel so lost. I am so tired all the time and I can't see to smile still...the smell of blasting powder has even dulled. What the hell is wrong with me?! i seriously need to find myself again damnit. I can't let this continue to fly. GRRR! Damn love and everything about it. Never again...not if it brings me down like this.

<The page is deeply tear stained and the writing looks as if a crackwhore suffering withdraws wrote this.>

It has happened. My deepest fear. Abandonment, utter darkness and loneliness. I must have done something. Even though he says I did not, I must have done something to provoke such feelings. Commitment issues was his excuse. Perhaps that is the case. But why is it so hard for me to accept this? I cry and cry, and by now I figured I would have ran out of tears, but they keep flowing like waterfalls. I want them to stop. I want my heart to stop hurting..my insides to stop burning. Why does this hurt so bad? Why do I feel like my soul just snapped into a thousand pieces and vanished to the skies, leaving me as an empty vessel to roam the world? I can't truly smile....I can't truly laugh. Never again will I love like this..love at all. I never want this feeling to come back unless Carsis comes back to me with open arms, a sweet dream that will stay as such I am sure. He deserves a better woman anyway. Someone stronger..and more beautiful. Someone he can truly love in return. But even with all this pain and uncertainty, I do not regret loving that man. I will always love him. He is my first kiss...my first love..And if he could only love me in return (which I wonder if he even meant it), then it would be a dream come true..

I need to stop writing and start working on engineering..or better, I need to find a new place to live. I noticed a nice cozy tree next to the pond...perhaps I should occupy that for a bit...

P.S.  I hope Carsis likes how the Flat looks.  I had worked real hard on it today making it all nice and clean before I found out the news. I also folded his laundry and left him a snack pastry I made. Please enjoy that Carsis..maybe you will want it again someday. Love you...

I attended Brewfest this evening which was actually pretty fun. I believe I drank to much though. My head is still spinning as I sit here writing this. I have a lot on my mind really. It seems my engineering has come to a standstill. I am working hard to learn new skills, but it just isn't happening at the pace I want it to.  Perhaps I am just trying to hard or my skills are just not what they should be at this point. Kinda makes me sad.

I saw Carsis tonight. He seemed rather reluctant to be in my presence. I wonder if I did something wrong. I get this strange aura from him. He doesn't want to talk to me about thing anymore. That, alone, makes me very sad. Perhaps I am being to clingy or maybe just too nosy. I should stop and give him some space. I should probably talk to him about it, but I am almost afraid to..not knowing what his answer will be. He seems very unpredictable at this point when it comes to relationships. Or maybe I am just looking to much into it....I need rest. I am thinking way too much..

It happened several days ago...but I can still feel my heart tingling with joy. I said it it to him. I finally said it. I told him that I love him. I outright said it with a blush on my freckled face. I was expecting rejection, but he gave me a smile and in his odd way he told me he loved me too. I can not be any happier right now. such awonderful man. Although, we ended up getting on the subject of starting families and I could tell he wasn't to keen on that. I am not ready for it either, but it was a passing thought. Who knows, maybe I am just thinking to much about things.....

Part 1: The Basics

1. What is your full name?

Marakaai Faertree. I dun really know my middle name as odd as that sounds.

2. Where and when were you born?

NorthShire and a good 25 or so years ago I guess...the years sure fly by.

3. Who are/were your parents? (Know their names, occupations, personalities, etc.)

I wish to leave their names from this. But my mother was a beautiful and astounding Highborne Priestess. She was always very kind and never yelled. She was there for the family so much whether it was teaching me magic or reading me stories, and even teaching us all musical instruments. She has the most wonderful personality. Now my father, he is a human Paladin. He was away a lot so I didn't know a whole lot about him, but then again, the times I did see him, he was a wonderful man. Someone I cherished very very much. He was brave and courageous.

4. Do you have any siblings? What are/were they like?
I am not really sure. I don't recall having any siblings, but sometimes I wonder with all the things that happened.

5. Where do you live now, and with whom? Describe the place and the person/people.

After traveling all the way from Northshire to Silvermoon City, I ended up settling there with my Dear Carsis Ka'len. He is a very special person to me, and one I will always protect, whether he likes it or not. But as for our flat..well, he tends to leave his stuff everywhere, mainly his clothes, but at least his papers are pretty neat...i guess.. hehe.

6. What is your occupation?

I am a Priestess, so I do a lot of healing when I can, but also, I control the shadow magic as well. My actual job though...that is classified.

7. Write a full physical description of yourself. You might want to consider factors such as: height, weight, race, hair and eye color, style of dress, and any tattoos, scars, or distinguishing marks.

Wow..Um, I am 5'10'', my weight is none of your concern. I have long white hair that reaches my back and bright blue eyes like my mother. I was lucky enough to not succumb to the addiction of magic. I an a half-elf you can say, Highborne and Human. I have freckles across my face along with a scar over my left eye from Rotlimb Marauders in the Dead Scar. Long story. They also left a huge gashy looking scar across my middle. I have various tiny scars from an attack on me by some Alliance goons that were very very rude, along with a bullet wound to my hip and arrow wound to my shoulderblade. Clothing, well, I do like pretty dresses...and business suits. But I do sometimes like to wear things that will make me be taken seriously. OH OH!! I also made some goggles that I absolutely adore!!

8. To which social class do you belong?

Um...I really don't know honestly. I will have to ask Carsis.

9. Do you have any allergies, diseases, or other physical weaknesses?

Honestly I get the sniffles when I am around certain animals. Mainly bears.

10. Are you right- or left-handed?

Both actually! It's really neat honestly.

11. What does your voice sound like?

Umm..I honestly don't know. People tell me my voice is rather soothing unless I am angry. I usually like to talk rather softly and not raise my voice or sound unpleasant.

12. What words and/or phrases do you use very frequently?

Perhaps....

13. What do you have in your pockets?

*Checks* Well, let's see, I have a piece of lint, a bloody piece of cloth cause I cut my hand open today, a few bolts and an arcane spanner hehe. So much!

14. Do you have any quirks, strange mannerisms, annoying habits, or other defining characteristics?

Um....I dunno..I can be very motherly I guess...perhaps that annoys people sometimes.

Part 2: Growing Up

15. How would you describe your childhood in general?

I find my childhood up to my mother's death to be very much enjoyable.

16. What is your earliest memory?

Mother teaching me how to play a wooden flute. It was very fun

17. How much schooling have you had?

Not a lot honestly. I wasn't allowed to go to the school in Northshire cause I was Sindorei. So I guess..a little bit from what Mother taught me at home.

18. Did you enjoy school?

I enjoyed learning with Mother.

19. Where did you learn most of your skills and other abilities?

In my backyard.

20. While growing up, did you have any role models? If so, describe them.

I had my Mother. She was there through everything and was always a source of inspiration and motivation. She always kept me smiling, even after Daddy's death. Her personality warmed my heart.

21. While growing up, how did you get along with the other members of your family?

We all got along great other than a few tussles..but that is normal right?

22. As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?

I wanted to either be a Priestess like Mother or a Knight like Father. Who says I can't be both someday!?

23. As a child, what were your favorite activities?

Me and mother would practice Magic together, and cook and read books. She taught me how to write and taught me proper manners and ettiquette.

24. As a child, what kinds of personality traits did you display?

Mother always said I was well mannered, but very stubborn and reckless.

25. As a child, were you popular? Who were your friends, and what were they like?

I didn't...have any friends...ever..not until I met Carsis and Lokasenna Vi'le. They are the two I hold most dear.

26. When and with whom was your first kiss?

O//////O um....that would be Carsis....>_> teehee

27. Are you a virgin? If not, when and with whom did you lose your virginity?

Honestly, I find that to not be any of your business! O////O

28. If you are a supernatural being (i.e. mage, werewolf, vampire), tell the story of how you became what you are or first learned of your own abilities. If you are just a normal human, describe any influences in your past that led you to do the things you do today.

Umm..I wouldn't really call myself supernatural, but with certain individuals, I have a strong mental connection with them, therefore I can speak in their minds and even see some of their past events depending on the stability of their mind. I can also read people's auras. It was something I got from Mother. It is actually rather helpful.

Part 3: Past Influences

29. What do you consider the most important event of your life so far?

I guesss...it would be meeting Carsis. After my Mother died and I left home, I didn't really have anything left. I was stared down and ignored in Silvermoon until he came along and took me in under his wing. He really did save me.

30. Who has had the most influence on you?

Right now, the most influencial person to me is Lokasenna Vi'le.

31. What do you consider your greatest achievement?

Getting stronger!

32. What is your greatest regret?

Not being able to save my Mother.

33. What is the most evil thing you have ever done?

I guess it would be watching as a young girl gets tortured right before my eyes...a bit gruesome..and bloody.

34. Do you have a criminal record of any kind?

Nope.

35. When was the time you were the most frightened?

The day I was attacked by a human and dwarf in Loch Modan. The things that happened there are forever burned into my memory and still frightens me this day.

36. What is the most embarrassing thing ever to happen to you?

Not really sure honestly. Got me a nice business suit and went to show it off to Lokey and realized at that moment I didn't have any shoes on...kinda embarrassing

37. If you could change one thing from your past, what would it be, and why?

Nothing at all. If I changed something, then the my current present would be completely different. I would not have chosen the path I am on now nor would I have met the people I have come acrossed. I am happy.

38. What is your best memory?

My night with Carsis in Quel'thalas

39. What is your worst memory?

I have a few I do not wish to name.

Part 4: Beliefs And Opinions

40. Are you basically optimistic or pessimistic?

Optimistic forever and ever!!

41. What is your greatest fear?

Losing the ones I care about

42. What are your religious views?

I believe something is there...but I am not entirely sure what it is.

43. What are your political views?

I do not like politics.

44. What are your views on sex?

O//////O um..well...I dunno...perhaps I can get back to you when I experience it with the one I love..

45. Are you able to kill? Under what circumstances do you find killing to be acceptable or unacceptable?

I do not wish to kill, but depending on the situation, especially if it concerns my special someone, I would probably kill to protect that person.

46. In your opinion, what is the most evil thing any human being could do?

No one deed can be classified as "most evil".....>_>

47. Do you believe in the existence of soul mates and/or true love?

I am not sure what love is honestly....perhaps I should ask Carsis about this too.

48. What do you believe makes a successful life?

Trying to achieve your dreams or at least get close to them. Live life to the fullest and always do your best with a smile on your face! That, to me, is a successful life. Something to be proud of!

49. How honest are you about your thoughts and feelings (i.e. do you hide your true self from others, and in what way)?

I suppose I can be pretty honest to most people. Lokey calls me an open book...perhaps I am.

50. Do you have any biases or prejudices?

I try to remain neutral as much as possible.

51. Is there anything you absolutely refuse to do under any circumstances? Why do you refuse to do it?

Killing innocents I can't really do...i am not sure of anything else.

52. Who or what, if anything, would you die for (or otherwise go to extremes for)?

I would die for the ones I care about most. They are my life and treasure. I wish to protect them always.

Part 5: Relationships With Others

53. In general, how do you treat others (politely, rudely, by keeping them at a distance, etc.)? Does your treatment of them change depending on how well you know them, and if so, how?

I would say I am very polite and caring for most people I meet. The more I get to know someone, the more I care.

54. Who is the most important person in your life, and why?

Carsis will always be my number one, for he is my first friend and my first "love" (not sure how else to word it). He has always been there for me through anything, whether it be something going on in my head, to an explosion with my inventions, to even my near death Experiences. He has always cared....always protected me the best he could....

55. Who is the person you respect the most, and why?

Right now it is Lokasenna. Regardless of the image others have of him, I have grown to understand him little by little. He is a very misunderstand man and very delicate to say the least. But he is hard working towards his goals and caring towards his friends. I do admire him in many ways.

56. Who are your friends? Do you have a best friend? Describe these people.

Carsis, like I have already stated and Lokasenna cause we share a special connection through our minds. I have already described them

57. Do you have a spouse or significant other? If so, describe this person.

Carsis again!! Teehee, I tend to talk about him a lot it seems. Well, he is someone very important to me. I care for him deeeply and I wonder what he truly thinks about me...or our relationship. I really want things to work out for I care for him the most..

58. Have you ever been in love? If so, describe what happened.

Like I have said before, I am not entirely sure what love is. I have heard it is a feeling of butterflies n your stomach anytime you are around that person, or even just admiring their adorable smiles, maybe a laugh or something as simple as the way they say hello. If these things are true, then perhaps I have fallen in love....very hard in fact. The story is long and bits and pieces reside in this thing.

59. What do you look for in a potential lover?

I do not look for anything honestly because each person you meet has something to offer and those important to you can experience things with you that only that person give. It is beautiful really.

60. How close are you to your family?

I was very close..but they no longer exist.

61. Have you started your own family? If so, describe them. If not, do you want to? Why or why not?

A family....yes..I want to start a family someday..but I do not know what my life will be like when and if that day comes. I want to be able to start a family with Carsis, but I dont see him agreeing to that..especially since I don't know what he truly thinks of everything. But I hope one day, I can see my small child in front of me, smiling up at me with pure love.

62. Who would you turn to if you were in desperate need of help?

Probably Lokey and members of The Company.

63. Do you trust anyone to protect you? Who, and why?

Carsis and Lokey because they are both very special to me and I can trust them with anything.

64. If you died or went missing, who would miss you?

I guess Carsis would miss me, maybe Lokey..but I dont have anyone else that would.

65. Who is the person you despise the most, and why?

I really....don't know...the Scourge perhaps?

66. Do you tend to argue with people, or avoid conflict?

Depending on the situation I can sit and argue all day long...pretty funny actually.

67. Do you tend to take on leadership roles in social situations?

I am not sure how to lead, so I guess that would be a no.

68. Do you like interacting with large groups of people? Why or why not?

Yes! I love being around people and learning more and reading auras. It is very fun and quite interesting.

69. Do you care what others think of you?

Sometimes I guess. I want to be seen as a good person.

Part 6: Likes And Dislikes

70. What is/are your favorite hobbies and pastimes?

I have recently become very fascinated with Engineering. I made a mechanical squirrel and it was very cute and I have made guns and bombs and it is very very fun! I also enjoy reading spending time with those I hold close and sleeping under the stars! 

71. What is your most treasured possession?

umm..i don't really know. I guess it would be the comb my mother gave to me. It is very pretty and colorful.

72. What is your favorite color?

blue!

73. What is your favorite food?

um...I like pretty much anything I guess

74. What, if anything, do you like to read?

I like anything on history!

75. What is your idea of good entertainment (consider music, movies, art, etc.)?

Meeting people and going out for walks and stuff like that.

76. Do you smoke, drink, or use drugs? If so, why? Do you want to quit?

I have drank on occassions, but it isn't something I am big into

77. How do you spend a typical Saturday night?

Thinking and getting stronger.

78. What makes you laugh?

"A lot of things."

79. What, if anything, shocks or offends you?

I guess people's inner personalities can be a bit shocking, but not really a whole lot of things.

80. What would you do if you had insomnia and had to find something to do to amuse yourself?

Probably read or write or play my flute

81. How do you deal with stress?

Write or go for a walk.

82. Are you spontaneous, or do you always need to have a plan?

I am very spontaneous

83. What are your pet peeves?

Egotistical people and those with bad attitudes and no common sense.

Part 7: Self Images And Etc.

84. Describe the routine of a normal day for you. How do you feel when this routine is disrupted?

Umm..my day usually consists of reading, walking around and spending time with friends..nothing really out of the ordinary

85. What is your greatest strength as a person?

The fact that I can smile through almost anything.

86. What is your greatest weakness?

That I cry so much on the inside

87. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

I don't really know.

88. Are you generally introverted or extroverted?

I dunno.

89. Are you generally organized or messy?

A little bit of both. But mostly organized

90. Name three things you consider yourself to be very good at, and three things you consider yourself to be very bad at.

I am good at making others smile, playing the flute and reading auras....I am bad at thinking things through, jumping the gun and my magic for now

91. Do you like yourself?

yes

92. What are your reasons for being an adventurer (or doing the strange and heroic things that RPG characters do)? Are your real reasons for doing this different than the ones you tell people in public? (If so, detail both sets of reasons...)

I do this because I want to, and perhaps someday I can become someone great in life.

93. What goal do you most want to accomplish in your lifetime?

Just live life the best I can now

94. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

I hope to see myself settled down, an accomplished Priestess and maybe have a family..

95. If you could choose, how would you want to die?

I don't like to think of those things.

96. If you knew you were going to die in 24 hours, name three things you would do in the time you had left.

Be with the one I love, write down as much memories as I could and bind them together and read a good history book.

97. What is the one thing for which you would most like to be remembered after your death?

That I smiled no matter what.

98. What three words best describe your personality?

Happy, stubborn and clumsy

99. What three words would others probably use to describe you?

I have been described by others as cute, reckless and too nice.

100. If you could, what advice would you, the player, give to your character? (You might even want to speak as if he or she were sitting right here in front of you, and use proper tone so he or she might heed your advice...)

Pursue your dreams and don't let anyone get you down. Say what you mean and get your point across. And tell that damn boy how much you really love him without always telling him that you "like him". Say what you mean you!! *Thwaps*

Most people know me as Kaai anyway, but you can ask for Yasuakia as well. ^_^ Pick 5 random numbers between 1 and 100. The link is down below just in case you wanna do it too!

www.geocities.com/poetess47/100questions.html

I woke up to a sleeping Carsis. Poor thing must be so very exhausted from work...and probably that swim from yesterday. It was so much fun being under the stars with him. I can't even explain it.

I sit here now in Loch Modan, Lokasenna just left. We took a walk all the way from Brill and ended up here somehow. Time sure does fly when you are having fun. He seemed to have so much on his mind at that time. We did meet several mean dwarves who shot at us and attacked us even though we were nice to them. No kindness in this world anymore. We didn't come to hurt anyone...just passing through. <sighs> He is gone now and I decided to wait a few more moments to use my hearthstone...so I could write this. I hear things in the wind...voices...angry voices...they are near now. Perhaps it is my own mind playing tricks but it doesn't seem as such..perhaps I should leave....

<nothing else written. Blood spattered on the parchment mixed with ink and blasting powder>

It has been several days since this happened, but I have been trying to stay busy. I was sitting with Carsis one evening in Silvermoon...we was talking rather nicely before he was attacked from behind by a Night Elf rogue, a very sneaky and powerful one. I got scared. I was afraid he was going to be hurt badly, so I started to heal him as much as I could. Then, like I could actually do something, I attacked the rogue with everything I had. Before I knew it, I was laying on the ground, my sight dazed by the blow he stuck to my head. I could hear voices and fighting, but it was as if I couldn't register anything. Carsis came back to revive me, but once again I was thrown down by the same heathen. Such brutality.When I came to, Carsis had revived me again and Naxsath and Mr. Fandrin was there as well. Interesting. Lokasenna showed up too even though he was not allowed into the city. Was he worried? I hated worrying everyone, but I wanted to do my best..I haven't felt so weak in a long time.

But things are looking up. I am continuing to do my very best everyday so I can be stronger.

I am very proud of myself! I spoke with my Engineering instructor and I have reached the level of Expert! I am so happy. I am now able to make better guns, bigger bombs, a target dummy that is just so adorable and a set of Shadow Goggles...which I am soooooo loving right now!

On another note, I went out to Ashenvale yesterday and boy did I have a hard time with those Night Elves. Not only are they sneaky with their Shadowmeld, but they are also very tough. I can tell you that I got knocked over quite a bit when they attempted "manhandling" me like the Amazons they are. Oh dear! That was kind of mean...I shouldn't speak like that. But yes, they made things very hard for me, but I completed my mission and continued to turn in Warsong reports and got many different things for various orcs, goblins and trolls that resided there.

I met up with Carsis again yesterday, which anymore is always a rewarding experience. But we did some...different things. <writing is a little hard to read because of her shaky hands> No no no perverts! Not thaaaaaaat! But I guess it is what people in my town used to call "second base." I had a great time and I saw a side of myself that I wasn't aware of. I got to see a side of him too that was very rare. Man he has such a great smile. But it all started with him showing me his scars. He has so many and it makes me sad that he had to suffer through so much turmoil. But thankfully he made it through and all is well. I also showed him my secret scar that no one has ever seen before since it happened. He got to see the dagger wound my Uncle Leonard put on my upper thigh when he tried to...well...do things. I must say I thought it would be a secret forever, but I trusted Carsis with such information. It made me feel like I lifted a massive weight off my shoulders. Thank goodness. Well, I am off for now, I need more rest for I am extremely exhausted. Hope he doesn't mind extra cuddles. teehee